How to say goodbye to a toxic partner

When you guys started dating, the world seemed like a heavenly place to be and everything seemed perfect. Until you spent some more time with him and saw his true colours.

He no longer makes you happy. In fact, he mistreats you. So you cry yourself to sleep every night and feel terrible about yourself--because his behaviour makes you feel that way.

If only people came with warning tags, we would all be so much happier in life. Unfortunately, they don't, and sometimes getting a reality check involves a heartbreak.

If this sounds like your current situation, here's some help on how to put an end to your toxic relationship. Renowned psychotherapist and relationship coach, Dr. Aparna S. Balasundaram offers help on how you can get by.

Is He Toxic? Start by Identifying   
Just like your ideal dream guy has certain characteristics, a toxic man does too. Not all toxic people are the same, but they do happen to share some common traits.
For starters, a toxic man is a control freak, who has absolutely no regard for your boundaries and thinks he is always right. Balasundaram identifies them as men who pull their partners down especially in front of others and attacks their partner's insecurities, deliberately.

He's Not Good For You, So Why Do You Still Love Him?
Unfortunately, the answer lies in the fact that many of us fall for the bad-boy vibe that these toxic men have. "Not getting what we want from them unknowingly makes us happy in a very unhealthy way," explains Balasundaram.

So Should You Walk Away or Simply Stay?
If your partner sounded like the man described above, you definitely need to re-evaluate your relationship. But should you simply walk out on the guy you love because he seems destructive?

Come on, you love him and he is a human being after all who is allowed to have his own insecurities, right? And what if he is unaware of the impact his actions have on you? Balasundaram suggests communication as a means of finding out whether these differences can be worked out. "First, try to tell him that his actions hurt you or impact you negatively", she says.

"If he acts defensive and seems unwilling to make any changes, and if you feel no amount of support can help him out, you should walk away", she adds.

Because Your Happiness Comes First

You know there comes a point when his toxicity starts rubbing off on you, when being with him starts breaking you down as a person instead of helping you grow. That's when you know you've had enough. You don't want to spend your whole life dealing with a manipulative bastard who makes you feel like a piece of shit, right?

Breaking 'The News' to Your Toxic Partner
So you've decided you want to call it quits but you can't figure out how. Balasundaram suggests breaking the news in a public area or someplace where you are surrounded by friends and family if you are worried about your security. You can't exactly tell the extent of their toxicity after all--so it's better to be safe than sorry.
Alternatively, you can also consider writing them a letter or sending them an e-mail. Also, don't forget to block them on social media once you are done.

"But I Still Love Him..."
But you love yourself more. Yes, it is difficult to walk away while you are still in love, but you've got to know that it is a process. Give yourself positive affirmations. In fact, you will gradually realise you feel much lighter without the presence of a toxic man who constantly bogs you down in life.

However, if you still feel like giving up and reaching out to him, think of all that he put you through and write it down on a piece of paper. "Once you write it out, place it where you constantly get to see it. Having a visual reminder helps to a great extent," says Balasundaram.

Life is too short to be spent crying over someone. Walking out of it may seem like the toughest thing to do, but once you take the plunge you will feel happier and stronger than ever.