I can be best friends with Pervez Musharraf, but not even cordial with my ex-boyfriend. Here's why

No, I don't hate him. I just don't want him in my life, whatsoever. Photo Courtesy: Twitter/RanbirDeepi

Being in a relationship is great. If it works out, it's even better. If it doesn't (like in 99.99% of the cases), then it's pathetic, but I would say--bearably pathetic.

I say bearable because cutting off the cause of your misery from your life can't be all that bad. After weeks of crying and binge eating, of course. What's unbearable, however, is the idea of maintaining a so-called healthy friendship with your ex after breaking up with him.

Ranbir-Deepika did it for their own good, but they created pressure on all of us to follow suit. However, I still think it's a terrible idea. Here's why I just can't do it:

Because My Priorities Are Sorted
Let me clear one thing: he wasn't a cheating asshole or a miserly boyfriend. Neither was he a woman beater. Nor was he the Tiger Woods in the relationship. He was just a sulking and perpetually sad Pankaj Udhas in life, who was turning me into an equally depressed Paaro.

So, my distaste for him only and solely stems from the fact that he was a ball of negativity, more toxic and destructive than the atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima-Nagasaki. No, I don't hate him. I just don't want him in my life, whatsoever. My hard-earned peace of mind comes first.

Also read: How to say goodbye to a toxic partner.

He's Anaconda In Disguise

Not that he comes with scales on his body or a huge-ass mouth to engulf my peace, but he's an anaconda nonetheless. You see, when you are in love with someone, you are bound to analyze everything about him, even the rate at which he exhales carbon dioxide. Well, this is just to imply that even if he comes up and says a casual hello, I (like many others of my kind) am bound to start analyzing his tone, guessing his relationship status, and second-guessing my own existence.

I Am a Non-Believer of Aa Ex Mujhe Maar
There's a thing about toxic men. They are Aditya Pancholis in the guise of Justin Trudeau. They seem like the most charming men and have a creepy way of creeping into your life only to creep you out later with endless taunts, sulking, and hell lot of negativity.

Once you realize that about them and throw them out of your life, letting them back in is just like clinching a knife in your hand and praying that it doesn't make you bleed. You don't commit the same mistake twice. Did I say mistake? Make that blunder, please.

So, Thanks But No Thanks, Because I Am No Suicide Bomber

Too much war reference happening here. But, being in a relationship with an insensitive, toxic prick, who simply refuses to look at the positives in life is no less than war, trust me. So letting him disturb my equilibrium now that I have successfully thrown the negativity out of my life is just not happening.

Even a simple hi is like suicide bombing. I say that because it takes a toll on the ones close to me as well. I make them partners in my analysis and they are the bearers of my impulsive mood swings every five seconds.

Neither Do I Aspire To Be Rishi Kapoor From Karz or Himesh Reshammiya From Karzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Come on, these guys used to get flashbacks from their past. I don't want to get flashbacks of myself waiting for a guy to call me back for days or just to see some amount of affection in his eyes.

But I don't mind being Aishwarya Rai from Provoked, who burns her guy alive.

Ladka-Ladki Dost Ho Sakte Hain, Exa-Exi Nahi

Excuse the Punjabi tone but you get the point right? This happens to be my personal opinion though. Till the time BOTH the partners don't move on in their lives, being friends is just a way to keep a tab on what's happening in your ex's life. You can't let go but holding on hurts too. It's like the state when you have to choose between your mother's ghiye ki sabzi and Nirula's hot chocolate fudge when you are on a diet. But then you go ahead with ghiya because even though the fudge tastes sweet, ghiya is better for your health. Hence, not being in touch is the ghiya you need in the khichdi of your relationship.