The stages of a breakup, as explained by a terribly anxious person

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When you are an extremely anxious person, everything can be a task. Be it getting out of bed in the morning to dealing with stress at the office--every single moment feels like your heart is going to jump right out of your rib cage and run off.

So when I recently broke up with my ex, whom we'll call R, it was as if a new hell had broken loose. It felt more so because I had lost the person I thought was 'the one'. Every single moment was a new realization, not only about what went wrong in the relationship, but also about dealing with the aftermath.

Before we begin, let me tell you what this article is not about. It's not about how to get back with your ex or dealing with breakups. Now that it's out in the open, here are 9 things that happened to me, which you'll relate to if you are even a bit anxious or have ever had your heart broken.

That Moment When You Feel You're About To Die

This happens right after the breakup, when you've had the final talk and both of you have said all that you wanted to say. It is harder to deal with if it happens on the phone--that's the worst way to breakup.

My anxiety was at its peak when it happened to me, and mind you I was at work at that time. It felt as if all the blood in my body had rushed to my head, and my heart felt so heavy that I thought it would come crashing down. I was short of breath, my head was throbbing, I was nauseated, I had a pain in my chest, and at the pit of my stomach. I actually felt like I was dying.

The Constant Begging

It's normal for anyone to beg their lover to come back to them after a breakup. You tend to do it more aggressively if you think it is just a fight, but little do you know. So it will start with a million sorry messages, then it will progress to calls, and crying and some more crying.

Going Back To Your Vices

It can be chocolates, ice cream, cigarettes, or even alcohol. Vices will become your best buds during this stage. And this is one dangerous stage--because you are already anxious and paranoid. So when you binge drink, you forget where you are, what time is it, or even who you are.

I am not saying you resort to smoking and drinking, but it's okay if that happens. Just take care of yourself, because it can harm you--really, really bad. Trust me, I know.

The Sleepless Nights Laden With Guilt

Sleep is one of the major things you'll lose, in addition to the love of your life and your sanity. As if anxiety wasn't making things bad enough already! If you are where I'm at, this will not seem unfamiliar to you. Oh, and having continuous flashbacks of the good times don't help at all.

The Inability To React Normally When/If You Bump Into Your ExI bumped into R on Valentine's Day. That's right. When the whole f**king world was probably overdosing on love, I was dealing with a panic attack. Oh, but that didn't stop me from going up to my ex and saying hello.

Needless to say the whole evening was a new kind of suffering for the both of us, because I just couldn't be normal. Even when my mind kept screaming at me to confess how each cell of my body was missing R, I acted indifferent. All in all, I turned into an extremely anxious and paranoid jerk for the rest of the evening. *Sigh*

Trying To Establish Contact AgainAfter the unfortunate and unexpected incident, I tried to bump into R a million times. Starting from checking the metro compartments to getting off at the station near R's place to going to the market near their house--I became a stalker.

Anything To Do With Heartbreak Becomes Your Favourite Thing In The World

Be it movies, songs, or even other people's account of their breakup, I have become a heartbreak junkie. Maybe it is to take tips and work it out with my ex or to learn how to deal better with the longing--it is all I can think of. Adele is sort of my best friend right now.

Shuffling Between 'It's Over And I Need To Move On' and 'But There Can't Be Anyone Else Ever'Telling yourself repeatedly that your life isn't just about this one relationship and its downfall doesn't help much when you're still hung over that person. So you become a pendulum, and then curse yourself for becoming that.

I have even compared myself to Severus Snape again and again. And guess what my favourite word is? ALWAYS!

Trying To Salvage The FriendshipR was my closest friend, even my best friend. From my mom's birthday, my problems with another ex, to my darkest secrets--there was nothing R didn't know about me. So after this breakup, not only did I lose my soul mate, but I also lost a very good friend.

The sad truth of life is that heartbreak never ends, even if you find some way to move on. And while that debilitating feeling grips your body, anxiety clouds your mind. They are strange bedfellows really--anxiety and heartbreak. And while one lasts, the other cannot end.